you traded sex for a burrito?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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