You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
