My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
