am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
