the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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