the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
