girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
