Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
