My room smells like vodka and shame
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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