i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize