i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
