so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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