i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
