What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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