the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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