hell yes lets make some ravioli
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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