Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize