i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
