How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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