the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The air taste purple.
Randomize
