I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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