I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
