I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
