well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
