: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
