No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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