I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize