We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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