I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
