I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
