You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
