she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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