Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
