Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
