WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
