she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
