Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
