just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
