The beer is more important than you right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize