yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
