Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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