Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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