I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
