NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize