He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize