So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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