dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
