I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
