So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
