i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize