mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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