fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
