oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
