if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
