So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize