I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
