I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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