You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
