best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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