she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
