my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
