One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
