Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
