woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
