So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
