Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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