I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize