I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
