I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
