I got chris browned last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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