i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
