Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
