I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
