I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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