So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize