Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
