you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
