Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
