Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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