I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
