Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize