some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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