There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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