Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
